Some little words with Dada

sleep calm

Who is the best grandma in the world? I wanna say that mine is the one. Actually was…. my dear grandma died today, today in the morning, as I have been informed, so may be she died last night or I don’t know… I miss her so much. She was the best. She’s the one who reared me, fed me, talked to me, oh God, I loved her so much.
Thousands of my childhood memories are deeply colored with her memories. She is the one who taught me how to understand other people, how to love people, how to respect them. She’s the one who taught me how to be silent when the anger might destroy every thing. My dear dear grandma taught me to be kind, though I could never be like her in patience and kindness. She was kind. Can I ever forget all her maternal looks, smiles, and words? She never ate before I did. She never slept before I did. She loved me, I know. And now she is dead. I can’t believe it. I can’t help crying. I can’t help remembering, remembering her, remembering all my beautiful memories with her. All those gloomy days of war and she was with me, she hugged me and never let me fear anything, kept me secure and laughed with my childish laughter. I can’t help remembering her kind, pretty face. I feel her here, near to me, and I’ am sorry.
Oh, grandma I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I didn’t stay more with you last summer. I’m sorry that I called you up and you were asleep and I didn’t call once again latter. I’m sorry that I never told you how much I loved you. I’m sorry that you were great and I failed to notice.
I’m sorry grandma, for this poor little girl who always understands about great feelings just after it’s too late. Tonight I’ll come to your tomb, to cry on my poorness, that I lost you, and it’s too late to do anything. Oh god, I wish I could believe that he exists and can look after you so that you could be happy and fear nothing. But you sleep calm there because there’s nothing anymore to be worried for.
Oh, my dearest…, were you afraid when it came the moment to say goodbye to this nasty world? If you were, I’m awfully unlucky, that I couldn’t be there with you to talk to you to make you give me of those calm, beautiful smiles, that are typical of you, and to make you get calm and...
Are you going to forget me? I do not blame you if you do, because I did that to you, and I was not ever ashamed. I am now… but it’s too late, too late…

Forgive me for every thing. Forgive me my dearest
I loved you; always I loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry my dearest. Sleep calm, God bless you, you were too great to stay here, I know. God bless you…

God does not exist

*

*

*

for my nation